One of my problems is I’m actually not a robot or a saint or an angel. I would certainly be more effective if I were some combination of the three.

I’ve hit my daily limit on vulnerability so I’d just like to recommend some songs that are good for when things are too much and it’s time to get in your feels.

Springsteen is very good for the feels. You’re probably bruised and battered. The city of brotherly love may feel, for personal reasons, like the most elaborate con. Springsteen is right there with you, not recognizing his own face.

Oh Ferron. Oh Ferron you’re too much. That’s why I love you so much, because I’m too much, and I need music that is too much to explain my life that is too much. If you’re afraid of them talking friend, they’re all talking still. That’s the truth about those fucking jerks.

Feeling very connected to “no bright shiny surface to my face.” Fuck why am I in the marketplace with my face surface so not bright or shiny?

I’ve never been able to decide if “Red Headed Stranger” or “Phases and Stages” is favorite Willie album. They’re both very dark. Has my life been dark because I like dark music? Is that too emo of a question to ask? I just wish I was a songwriter so the darkness of my life could be used instead of being argued. But you can’t be emo and cite research. You have to pick one. But then when I cite research people are like “tell the story of when you almost killed yourself.” And then I’m like, ok, yes, right the time I confronted the basic cannibalistic darkness of the human world and found a way to stick around for more of that, how does that one go again?

This is a good song when you know you can’t be the person lots of people you don’t know are invested in you being. I’ve been through a remarkable number of iterations of that.

See, this is my basic problem. I was listening to songs like this growing up and so I got indoctrinated with the ability to perceive that people who have a lot of authority and staff who do their secretarial work often miss the basics of how their projects are going wrong. The big fool says to push on.

This was the theme of 2014. Then 2015. Then 2016. Then 2017. Turns out 2018 too. I’m not dead though. Fatter but not dead.

How did I get here? Where is that large automobile? Could I still get in on that beautiful house?

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